My Butler, My Love
by EmoAnimeFreak123
Summary: Ciel is in love with Sebastian. He has been avoiding the butler clad in black for some time now. he doesn't want the demon to know how he feels, but one night everything changes. Will he find happiness or will he be left alone forever? Slightly OCC. Rated T for mentions of sex and because I am paranoid. Review :D And i am not against gay people. I myself am gay. So yeah.


My Butler, My Love

**~Ciel's POV~**

_There is definitely something wrong with me. Every time he is near me, I...I feel really weird. I can't explain it. My heart starts pounding erratically and my mind turns into mush. I can't think clearly when he is here. There is definitely something wrong. He is my butler and I am his Master. But I have undoubtedly fallen in love with the butler of the Phantomhive manor. He can't love me back. I am just making this harder on myself. He can't love me. He doesn't even have emotions. He doesn't have a heart and if you don't have a heart, you can't possibly love. He just stays with me so he can eventually devour my soul. Once I get my revenge, he will gladly eat my soul. He would do it happily. He wants to be rid of me. He probably hates me for all the stuff I make him do. I'm sorry, Sebastian. I love you._

I hadn't noticed until it was too late, but Sebastian was standing in the doorway. He had a tray with him. It must be time for my afternoon tea and snack.

"Young Master? Are you alright?" he asked, he is probably just feigning worry. Why would he worry about me? I am just a nuisance.

"O-of course. Why would you ask such a silly question?" Even I could hear how off my voice was, so I knew he could. "Is that my afternoon tea? Bring it to me." I say turning my chair towards the window and looking out. I know I am acting strangely, but I can't look at him. I can't look at him right now.

He slowly wheels the tray over to me and pours my tea. He then sets both my tea and my snack on my desk. "Today, we have Earl Gray Tea with a chocolate pudding parfait with whipped cream on top."

I am still facing the window. "Very good. You are dismissed." I hear him slowly exit. It sounded as if he was reluctant to leave. But that was probably just my imagination. I slowly turn my chair back around. The tea and parfait is in front of me, but I have no interest in eating right now. I discard the treats and try to do the work that is in front of me. But within a minute, I am daydreaming again.

_He probably knows something is wrong. I am acting really weird. I know he has noticed that I act differently when he is around. I need to stop acting so strange. I am just hurting myself. I know that it will never happen. I know he will never love me back. I need to stop this hopeless love. I need to kill my feelings for him and just go back to being that of a Master and his servant. But that is easier said then done. I may wish for the feelings to go away, but every time he is near me, I can feel my feelings getting stronger for him. I can't help it. The way he carries himself, the way he will do whatever I ask, the way he looks, the way he talks, everything about him is perfect. He is perfect. But he is a demon. Demons can't love. And even if he could, why would he love someone like me? I am impure and I treat him cruelly. All I do is order him around. I always act indifferently towards him. I always yell at him. But I can't help it. I can't have him knowing how I feel. How I truly feel. If he knew, he would surely be disgusted and leave me. I mean, we are both men. It's unnatural. It is a sin. It is disgusting. But I can't help it. I have fallen in love with him. But what ever falls, always gets broken._

Some time during my fretting, I had fallen asleep at my desk. I ended up having a nightmare. I was in a field of flowers, but if I touched any of them, they would just wilt away. There was fog everywhere. I couldn't see anything. I started running blindly around. In the distance, there was the sound of screams. That is all I could hear. I saw a red glowing light in the distance so I ran towards it. The closer I got, the stronger the fog got. It started getting a certain smell to it. It smelled a lot like smoke. I finally realized that I was the source of the fire, I turned around and the once beautiful garden was wilted away and had now been entirely engulfed in flames. There was a voice behind me. I recognized it. It was the voice of my butler. I swiftly turned around in relief to not be alone anymore, but my relief soon turn into sorrow. He was not the normal him. His eyes were full of hatred "You are the one who killed your parents. You killed them and this destruction is all your fault. You kill everyone around you. I hope your happy with yourself now." And with that he disappeared and I was left alone again. I couldn't bring myself to move anymore, so I just fell to my knees, shaking. I couldn't breath anymore. His words kept echoing in my head. I just sat there as the flames engulfed me.

I woke up, screaming. I was covered in sweat and my papers were all over the floor. I was still in my study It only took a few seconds for my butler clad in black to open my door. Once he saw the horrid state I was in, he hurried to my side. "Young Master? Are you alright?" he shook me lightly.

"I-I'm fine. It-it was only a nightmare." My voice shook with my fear. I could still hear him words from the dream. I could still hear the screams. I could still smell the smoke. I could see the fire. But most of all, I could see the hatred of me in his eyes.

I turned my chair around because I could tell that I was about to lose control over myself. I couldn't let him see me like that. I could feel the tears that were about to fall down my face. He didn't need to see me this vulnerable. I can't let him see me like this.

"Would you like me to go get you some warm milk, to calm you down?" he asked with that same sound of worry in his voice as before.

As much as I didn't want to be alone right now. I couldn't lose my control with him here. I had to pull myself together. "Yes. Pl-please do Sebastian." My voice was very quiet but it cracked on his name. I kinda sounded like a whiny child.

He exited the room and I could feel myself crumbling around the edges.

_When did I become this weak? I never would have let a dream get to me like this. I just showed Sebastian my most vulnerable side. I can't believe I am this stupid. I am tearing at the seams. i am falling apart and I don't even know why. Was it what he said to me? No I already know everything was my fault. Was it the fire? No, I have had that dream many times and it has never affected me like this. Was it the fact that I was all alone and then was left by even Sebastien? Possibly. Was it the hatred I saw in Sebastian's eyes? Most definitely. I am going insane._

I could feel the tears I was trying to hold in, fall down my face. I was pulled out of my thoughts by a light tap on my door. _Crap! I was too busy thinking, I forgot to pull myself together. I am even more a mess than I was before._

"Come in." I reluctantly let the man in. As promised, he is carrying a steaming cup of milk.

"Just set it on the table." I am still facing the window, but I can see him in the reflection, just like he can see me in the reflection. He looks truly worried. "I'm fine. It was just a dream." I try to at least cheer him up a little.

"May I ask what it was about?" he asked. In the window, I saw a glint of some emotion in his eyes.

"The fire of course." I close my eyes so he can't see the lie in them. He always has a way of seeing right through me. It may not be a complete lie, but it isn't the complete truth either.

I open one of my eyes to see if he bought my story, but of course he didn't.

"Don't lie to me Young Master. I can see right through you and you know that. Now tell me the truth. What is wrong? And what has you so worked up?" He is using a certain tone with me that I know I can't ignore. He slowly walks over to me and turns my chair so I am facing towards him. I refuse to make eye contact, so I look away and close my eyes. He lightly but forcibly grabs my chin. "Look at me." That same tone of voice.

I slowly open my eyes and stare into his crimson ones. The moment we made eye contact, was the moment I lost my last bit of resistance. "I dreamt that there was a fire, but I was in a garden away from it. I was all alone and all I could hear was screaming. You appeared but you blamed me for all the screams and death. In your eyes, it looked as if you truly hated me. Then you just disappeared. I was left there for the flames to consume me." Near the end of my explanation, my eyes had closed again so I wasn't expecting what happened next.

He gently embraced me. He lightly wrapped his hands around my shoulders. I had not resistance. I slowly brought my arms to rest lightly around his shoulders. "Don't worry. I could never hate you. I will never leave you alone. I-I love you Ciel." he breathed into my ear.

I was surprised to say the least. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. I couldn't even breath. _What was he saying? He loved me? It has to be a joke. What a sick joke._

I pull away from him. " Don't screw with my emotions Sebastian. I know for a fact that you don't feel that way. Don't screw with me. This is a sick joke Sebastian. That is just sick." By the end of my rant, I am about to leave the room, but he grabs my arm. I fight back uselessly.

"I am not lying to you. I have told you many times that I cannot lie. I would never lie to you. I would never say anything that wasn't true. I really love you. I wouldn't never say that if it wasn't true. That would just be sick and cruel. I know you don't feel the same way towards me, but I thought I should tell you. Now tell me why you have been avoiding me these past few weeks?"

There's that tone again. I can't lie and say that I haven't been avoiding him because it is obvious I have been. "No reason. Just needed some space." I looked away. _He loves me back. He really loves me back. I don't know if I can tell him I love him though._

"Don't you dare lie to me. Now tell me why." he turned my face so I was looking into his eyes again. And once again, I lost all my resistance and just told him everything.

"Because I love you and I didn't want you to know. I thought you would hate me if you knew, or even worse leave me. I couldn't stand it. I have been in turmoil these past few days. I had no idea you felt the same way. I am so happy. I love you Sebastian. I have and I always will." I slowly close the gap between our faces. I lightly place my lips upon his. His felt surprisingly warm and soft. He kissed me back. I could tell he was holding something back though.

I pull away from him and stare right into his eyes. "What's wrong? Why are you holding back?"

"I just don't want to hurt you or push too far. I don't want to do anything that you don't want me to do." he said earnestly.

" I want everything. And I want you to be the one to give it to me. I love you and I want to give you everything. Don't hold back." I said honestly.

"Yes Young Master." he kisses me again.

When we break for air, I whisper, "When we are alone like this, call me Ciel."

"Of course Ciel." He kisses me again and without breaking the kiss he picks me up and carries me into my room.

All throughout the night we kiss and embrace and make love until I pass out from exhaustion. He lays with me, falling asleep himself.

With him there, I don't have a nightmare, but a dream for once. I dream of the two of us. Happy together for eternity. My eyes aren't the same cerulean blue though. They are a crimson-red. Just like Sebastian's. I can tell that I am not the same Ciel I am right now. I have a certain gracefulness about myself. It looks like we are in the future together. Neither of us has aged. I am a demon. I am the same as him. We can be together forever.

I can be with Sebastian for eternity.

Sebastian. My butler. My love.


End file.
